Edify.

I had a thought. And it’s a quick one. I listen to a LOT of podcasts. I come across the theme ‘man up’ a lot. The messages are all focused around the same concept that men of ‘our generation’ have a hard time being responsible, bold, intentional… and the like. Although I can agree at times and see what it is ‘they’ are talking about, I can’t help but think of the verse that says

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?”

I can’t spend time involving myself in conversations about the lacking tendencies of the male population if I’m doing nothing to edify them in the things they do right. Lately I’ve been drawn to encourage the guys that cross my path. Encouragement can change someone’s life. I know it did mine. I don’t care if it’s your dad… your husband… your guy friend you’ve known for years, or some guy you randomly met (unless you’re doing it to hit on him… check yo self)… but anyway, if you can take an opportunity to speak respect to a male, do it. If we want this ‘fatherless’ generation to be taken care of by respectable males, we have to respect them. Plain and simple. We spend less time complaining about what’s not measuring up and look for and acknowledge Godly leadership qualities… spiritual maturity… or even just chivalry. It’s not dead people.

So I guess this post was for the ladies… maybe I should have titled it ‘woman up’… nah. Doesn’t really work for me.

So in summary. Edify.

It’s about heart.

Tonight, America will find out who the next American Idol contestant to go home will be.  Of course, we don’t want it to be Kris here in Conway, Arkansas.  Somehow we’ve all become like family to support him while he goes after the dream… What I want to write about though has nothing to do with whether he wins or loses…. but about what he’s already won by being there. 

Today at work I got an email that pierced my heart, in a really good way.  My aunt sent out an email that spoke of who Kris is and I wanted to share that.

——— Forwarded message ———-
From: Ms. B <ms.b@newlifechurch.tv>
Date: Wed, May 6, 2009 at 1:20 PM
Subject: A Prop Re: Kris
To: 


Just thought you might like to see this re: Kris’s Christ-like heart shining brightly.

 


How’s it going?  Were you up all night voting like the rest of us?  Everybody is down on Kris Allen this morning, except for me and T.  They think he’ll be out tonight.  Oh well, at least Kr told me a story about Kris’ brother, D.A.  He said while he was out in Hollywood last week, Adam came up to Kris’ family and thanked them for raising Kris the way they did.  He told them that he didn’t know what a Christian was before he met Kris and that Kris had been his friend in spite of all the differences between them.  Apparently, Adam had been treated like an outsider because he dressed differently and was gay.  What a witness Kris has been!  Now, to me, it doesn’t matter if he gets kicked off tonight because I believe God had a purpose in him staying in as long as he has!
 


– 
Be blessed.
Ms. B

I love that email.  That email tells more than all the camera angles or hometown visits in the world.  It tells that Kris walks around this planet, doing his best to be like Jesus.  It tells us that Adam, in his life, has at least been shown the love of Christ and actually seen what a true Christian looks like.  To me, that’s the win.  Not the title of ‘American Idol’, it’s not about that.  It’s about heart.  Kris has it.  Just by being himself, Kris showed Christ to others… it inspires me to check out the way I’m living… the way I’m loving.  It seems so effortless to Kris.  What if it were more effortless for me… for you?

 

 

 

 

 

I’ll run…

I’m supposed to be sleeping right now.  I’m running in a 5k in about 8 hours.  This 5k is special because it is being run for a cause that is extremely close to my heart.  The A21 Campaign is an organization that is based in Greece.  They’re objective is to abolish human trafficking in the 21st century.  If you don’t know much about human trafficking, or even what it is… I advise you to look into it.  I could explain it.  I could spell it out on here, but really I feel that you should go and look for yourself.  Visit A21’s site.  Go and look into Love 146 and what they’re doing.  I’m posting a video on here that just lists facts.  The trafficking that gets to me the most, is that of children.  Realizing and knowing the truth of the matter… well… nothing makes me more angry.  My heart breaks into a million pieces knowing how large this industry is and knowing that I can’t go rescue them all. But.  One person can make a difference.  I’m going to find out how I can.  For now, I’m going to wake up at 6:45 on a Saturday morning and run for those children.  You can bet that I’ll picture their little faces while I’m running.  I’ll picture them the way God intended though, rescued and loved.  Taken care of and at ease.  Restored… set free.  I love the Lord for what He’s doing in my heart… and the hearts of so many whose eyes have been opened, and hearts called out.  My prayer is that people, that I, won’t take this knowledge and walk away knowing that we cared for a little while, but that we would ask God to use us, to fulfill His will on this matter in whatever way it leads us, believing that He is bigger, stronger, and mighty to save.

 

Who’s proud!?

Tah dah!!  I’m jumping on the band wagon!  But it’s okay because it’s all sneaky like… because nobody would’ve pegged me to do this!! And oh my goodness did this thing take forever.  But hey, I did it!

Erin-ology

 

What is your salad dressing of choice?

Well, usually like an Italian, but my all time favorite thus far has bee Chili’s Citrus Balsamic Dressing.  Seriously. It’s heaven on earth. 

 

What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?

Sit down… sit down. Hmmm I guess right now it’s Za Za in the Heights.  I’ve only been once, but it was absolute bliss.  You must try it if you haven’t.

 

What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?

My sister would say the answer to this for me would be mushrooms… whatever way you can cook them, raw on a salad… sautéed, in a dish of sorts… yep I love them.  You’re probably making a face right now… but I don’t care.  Mushrooms are good.

 

What are your pizza toppings of choice.

(see answer to previous question)  

 

TECHNOLOGY

How many televisions are in your house?

2. One of these happens to be mine… but it’s in my roommate’s room.  The other is in the living room.  I really don’t watch the telly.

 

What color cell phone do you have?

Black and neon green. Gross.

 

BIOLOGY

Are you right-handed or left-handed?

right.. 

 

Have you ever had anything removed from your body?

Yes. But I think this question is quite nosy.

 

What is the last heavy item you lifted?

Ummm… my recruiting suitcase.  This weekend in fact.  I have too much stuff in there.  I need to clean it out… but I never run out of stuff!

 

Have you ever been knocked unconscious?

No.  I’m a pretty tough cookie.

 

BULLCRAPOLOGY

 

If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?

 

Probably not.  I can tend to be a worry wart.  If I knew the exact day I think I would stress myself out trying to think about all the things I needed to do before then.  It’s best it remains a mystery…

 

If you could change your name what would you change it to?

I agree with the sis on this one.  I like my name… I hope to change it to a good strong name in the future… not sure what I would want… okay maybe I have some ideas. But again… nosy nosy question.

 

Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?

Yes.  Like I said. I’m a tough cookie.  No sweat.

 

DUMBOLOGY

 

How many pairs of flip flops do you own?

Maybe like 10?

 

Last time you had a run in with the cops?

It’s been FORever, but there was this one time when Adam and Adam and Tyler lived on Remington I think it was?  And apparently we were being too loud and obnoxious in the street… and the cops came.  We ran like a bunch of babies… kind of ridiculous.  We were like playing basketball and I think even like playing bag-o.  Bunch of dangerous criminals we are.

 

Last person you talked to?

My precious grandmother.  She just called me ‘just to tell me that she loved me’.  Love that woman.

 

Last person you hugged?

Lisa.  We hadn’t seen each other since before spring break so we needed to have a moment.  (I see her every day here at work so, I missed herJ)

 

FAVORITOLOGY

 

Season?

I’m gonna go with fall… it’s always been close to my heart. I love the colors and all… but here lately I love spring. Cheesy as it may be it reminds me of new beginnings and this spring you never know what the weather’s gonna do, so you just have to expect the unexpected… which I’m kind of partial to.  J

 

Holiday?

Cecilia’s Birthday… I mean it seriously is always fun… okay for serious, it’s Christmas.  I tried to like another holiday better, but I just can’t okay. 

 

Day of the week?

Wednesday oddly enough.  I love Wednesdays for the sheer fact that here at CBC, that’s when we have chapel.  God has been moving in ridiculous ways on this campus and I think the most visible way is through the transformation chapel has gone through.  I have such a heart to see this campus be on fire for the Lord in a way relevant to society TODAY. (in a non weird and cheesy way)  It’s happening guys.  It’s so happening.  In Jesus’ name.

 

Month?

Month. Month month month.  That’s a weird word isn’t it?  It’s like moth… with an ‘n’ in it. 

 

CURRENTOLOGY

 

Missing someone?

My maw maw B… and her porch swing… and really great hugs… and Cajun little accent… and her huge heart… but tiny little self.

 

Mood?

Distracted.  I should totally be working right now and not taking a ridiculous amount of time filling out a survey only about me… now I feel really self absorbed. Stupid peer pressure.

 

What are you listening to?

Beautiful from Gateway Church. Like on repeat.

 

Watching?

nothing…. but oh that I will be watching Kris Allen and his Kick Awesome self tonight at the Idol watch party.  I’m so ready to get. Out. Of. Here. 

 

Worrying about?

The fact that my brain will not work and I know there’s something I’m supposed to tell my boss.. and I keep doing this dumb survey.  I’m so gonna get it.

 

DEPENDS-OLOGY

 

Do you always answer your phone?

No.  I’m so not a phone talker.  I will text my ever sweet life away though!

 

It’s four in the morning and you get a text message. Who is it?

Probably my lovely best friend emily.  She’s probably up praying and getting a word from the Lord and interceding for all the darkness in the world… and she’s got something that needs to be said… 4am hasn’t happened yet but almost… J  I love her for how much like Jesus she truly is. Inspires me mucho.

 

If you could change your eye color what would it be?

Ah… is it bad to say that I actually like my eyes? Oh well, I do.  They are huge though…  That’s why I was called ET as a baby.  Sad huh?  An alien.  Awesome.

 

What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic?

Well, it depends on which drink I get.  I like Vanilla Sweet Tea, Cherry Dr. Pepper, and Strawberry Limeades.  You can’t make me choose.

 

Do you own a digital camera?

yes. I actually own 2.  My newest one I don’t use but for the rare special occasion.  And the other, is broken.  I dropped it in London, on the second day of a mission trip to Nepal… but I refuse to get rid of it for some reason.

 

Have you ever had a pet fish?

um.. no.  Not so much the pet person… which I realize is ridiculous.  I wish babies could be pets. Okay. WEIRD comment, but so true. 

 

What’s on  your birthday wish list?

I want to go to Greece this year?  Does that count?

 

Does the future make you more nervous or excited?

excited! And nervous… I feel like big stuff is coming.  It’s like… nervous excitement… which I like.

 

Do you have any saved texts?

Indeed I do.  I’m a sentimental sap of sorts.  If I get something that is encouraging or like dear to my heart… I won’t delete it. Hilarious texts don’t get deleted either.

 

Ever been in a car wreck?

Yes.  But I have never been seriously hurt.  Been taken away in an ambulance… which I think was quite dramatic… but I was fine. 

 

Do you have an accent?

Ha, yes.  I’m sad to say that it’s so southern.  I try not to have it… but it’s in my blood I think.

 

What is the last song to make you cry?

I actually cried during worship on Sunday morning… but for the life of me I can’t remember the song… I don’t think it had much to do with the song though.  Just the Jesus.

 

Plans tonight?

AMERICAN IDOL WATCH PARTY AT THE CHURCH!!!!!!!!!  And apparently to go get free food from slim chickens… just found out that little nugget of information.  (get it?)

 

Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?

Yes, I have.  I have definitely come to the end of myself before.  Jesus absolutely is my savior though, in the most literal sense possible.  His grace and mercy never cease to amaze me.  He surprises me with His love… and the healing He’s brought my life… well, I don’t have words.

 

Name 3 things you bought yesterday?

1.     Red box movie (technically I didn’t buy this b/c of free movie Monday, but I had to swipe my debit)

2.    Diet DP

3.    I am so proud of myself that I only bought 2 things yesterday!! and actually just one on a technicality!!!

 

Have you ever been given roses?

yes and I used to keep every stinkin one, until my room started to look like a rose graveyard, kind of creepy… 

 

Current hate right now?

Coconut.  Not like the flavor, but the actual consistency of coconut… and black olives.  Sick.

 

Met someone who changed your life?

Yes. Many…  not even gonna try to name all of them.  But without these unsaid people, I believe my life would have remained unhealed for a much much longer time.  The Lord has so used amazing people to love me with His love and push me towards Him.

 

What song represents you?

Survivor by Destiny’s Child…. Or maybe even like ghetto superstar by Mya?

 

Name three people who might complete this:

Well. They’ve already done it.

 

Would you go back in time if given a chance?

Yes, I would, but not if I have to relive it the same way it played out.  I would have trusted God more… through a LOT of my decisions.

 

Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?

yes.. 

 

Will you be in a relationship 4 months from now?

Yes (this question needs to DTR)

 

Would you be a pirate?

A pirate?

 

pi⋅rate

  /ˈpaɪ rət/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [pahy-ruh t] Show IPA noun, verb, -rat⋅ed, -rat⋅ing.

–noun

1.	a person who robs or commits illegal violence at sea or on the shores of the sea.

 

2.	a ship used by such persons.

 

3.	any plunderer, predator, etc.: confidence men, slumlords, and other pirates.

 

4.	a person who uses or reproduces the work or invention of another without authorization.

 I think no.

 

What songs do you sing in the shower?

Well, usually the high ones.  I have this ridiculous low range… and everything sounds better in the shower. Right… ?

 

Ever had someone sing to you?

Yes. It was sweet. Jr. prom. My high school boyfriend.  Our song.  And then it got embarrassing because one of his buddies caught him.

 

When did you last cry?

Umm. Skip.

 

Do you like to cuddle?

yes… but who came up with this terminology anyway.  It’s right up there with ‘blankey’ or ‘passy’. 

 

Have you held hands with anyone today?

Not to my knowledge….

 

Who was the last person you took a picture of?

Emily. Be looking for this blog.  We went to 2 mountains. And conquered them both.  All in one day.

 

What kind of music did you listen to in Elementary school?

TLC.  Salt n Pepa. Toni Braxton. Faith Hill. Whitney Houston. Reba McEntire. My daddy.

 

Do you believe in staying close with your ex’s?

Okay.  I could write an entire book on this question.  I’m an expert. Trust me.  The answer is an absolute and very simple no. 

 

Are most of the friends in your life new or old?

I’m going to say new?  I didn’t actually ‘grow up’ with the friends I have now.  Okay, maybe I have a couple that I grew up with… but most are new.

 

Do you like pulpy orange juice?

Yucky.

 

What is something your friends make fun of you for?

How much I love rap/hip hop????  I really have no idea.

 

What is something you’re saving your money up for right now?

Hopefully a trip to Greece.  This year. 

 

When is the last time you ate peanut butter and jelly?

I just don’t.  You can’t make me.

 

What were you doing at 12 am last night?

Man! I was watching Centerstage… the sequal… and nobody would have ever known. Stupid survey.

 

What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?

“Spring break is over. L  have I been hit by a truck?”

Beautiful.

I adore this song… I’m somewhat obsessed with it.  I just love the lyrics, and just the adoration of God that Gateway enters into through it.  Of course Kari is amazing… but the song…

To me, this song echoes the prayers of my heart right now.  So enjoy!  I promise it will just bless your heart so much.

 

thoughts continued…

Yesterday as I was writing my last post in starbucks, I thought to myself… I wish i had a verse to go along with my thoughts… to maybe back up that what I’m thinking is on track with God. Well, in my random reading of the word this morning, the Lord gave me one. I love Him for that.

“Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” -Colossians 4:5-6

It’s good stuff. “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men.”-Matthew 5:13 So. We must pay attention how we treat others, and our conversation must be ’seasoned with salt’, and in matthew Jesus talks about us being salt, because we are His children… if we lose our ’saltiness’ (Him) than we are worth nothing but being trampled by men… hmmm. So we’re called to see people and pay attention to them, how we speak to them.

Still thinking… digesting and letting all this in. It’s not too hard to comprehend… but hard to not let go in one ear and out the other…

God is so good…

Someone smiled back!

I’m a person that usually smiles upon eye contact… if I’m being myself that is.  Granted, I’m not always myself so if you’ve seen me and I didn’t smile at you, I’m sorry, please forgive me.  So anyway, it may not be like a full out teethy grin, but it’s usually this ‘press your mouth together, smile with your eyes’ thing.  Lately, nobody smiles back… or nobody holds eye contact with me long enough to acknowledge.  So, in essence, I find myself being the awkward smiler at people who could care less.  It’s so sad to me.  And to most, it’s not a big deal… but people have seemingly become so robotic.  We just do our jobs, and say the things we’re supposed to like, ‘have a nice day’ or ‘thank you’ and we do it without cracking even a smirk.  I’m guilty too…. but, it just seems that no one really looks at anyone anymore.  We co-exist as people, but we don’t treat each other like we’re real, like we actually have real feelings and lives and problems.  Smiling is not really enough when we take the time to realize this… it would be so much better to sit down and listen to someone, ask them to tell you about themselves.  It’s so simple, you just ask a few questions, focus on the things that tend to put a light in a complete stranger’s eyes and let them talk.  I love watching life come to eyes that were so passive and emotionless at ‘hello’.  Nonetheless, what does at least smiling hurt?

Recently, I’ve noticed this problem in a way that has just really started to bother me-to the point that I just really have asked God to help me see people, like really see them.  And, if it can happen naturally, in a way that’s not creepy or weird, to bless my conversations with people by helping me know how to bless them.  It’s been really cool, and at the same time convicting… because I definitely don’t always pay attention to the people that come into my life.  God knows though… and I really desire to see those people, the ones that He places in our path.  We could possibly be the source of encouragement for a day that seems unending for them… you never know.  It does something in me that I can’t really describe.  Will it always be easy?  Probably not.  But what does it hurt to try?

Today, I smiled at someone.  A lady, as we were getting on the elevator together.  It’s something I usually do… but today, someone smiled back.  I felt validated, and all I did was smile.  I guess I felt like someone actually saw me.  I wonder if that’s what happens in anyone else?  It’s ridiculous to think that we could be friendly with every single person ever… but hey, it’s a fun game to try…

speak

i don’t really have anything interesting to blog about.  i’m sitting here just thinking that i want to, and so, indeed i am.  so let’s evaluate life right now.  i have a really good job, i can’t complain, God has done so much in the 3 almost 4 years that i’ve been there.  i love that i’ve been a part of a shift in a college that needed shifting, believe me.  i’ve been a part of the lives of some amazing young women.  i spent 3 years of my life on an amazing college ministry’s leadership team.  i’ve had enough life experiences that i SHOULD be overflowing with wisdom… and maybe i have more than i give myself credit for.  :)  i loved serving on that team… but i left almost a year ago because i had to give myself some ‘me’ time if you will.  i had let myself become slave to a schedule and let my heart get too dry from neglect.  

so here i am.  loving God with all my heart.  loving children so much it hurts sometimes.  and i guess i’m just simply asking:  speak.  Speak to me Lord.  I feel like He continues to tell me i’m exactly where i am for a reason.  what that reason is, i currently don’t have a clue.  do you ever feel like you could be doing more?  don’t get me wrong, i love my life.  i’ve been blessed beyond measure.  i have the most amazing family and friends a girl could ever hope for.  i love them.  i guess there’s something in us all that just wants to know that we’re being used towards a Greater good.  i know that the Lord uses me in different ways, on different days to fulfill His purposes.  i guess i’m just wondering…. is there more that i could be doing right now?  and what is that?  where is the balance between the things that God places in our paths and the things that we take by storm, just because we’re desperate for the things of God.  i just don’t want to be lazy in these days we’re living in.  we all have ‘talents’, and i get that.  i’m just wondering… how do you know that you’re using them?

i’m just hungry i guess you could say.  to see God move.  to watch His amazing hand stir us.  i love Him so much.  i just don’t want to fall asleep in this place i’m in right now.  i guess you could say i’m discontent with being content…  i guess there is something to be said about learning to be content in every situation.  i know who my God is, and i know that if i trust Him, ‘this too shall pass’-whatever it may be.  i know that my foundation is strong.  i’m just wondering, is there more?  for me Lord?  i truly do believe that there is, and i know that our timing is not His timing.  i believe that He directs our paths.  i love being obedient to Him.  it’s not always easy, but i love it.  i guess… for the moment, i will remain still… knowing that He is God, and expecting that He will speak.  maybe i’m not being still enough to hear His gentle whisper. or maybe i’m hearing it, and i’m just not patient in this whole process.  i know God, but i know there’s so much more… so much deeper than i’ve been.  

so basically i just had a conversation with myself… and God, and i blogged it.  welcome to the inside of my head.

My heart belongs to Eric…

So last night, I went to my boys’ basketball game and found myself being watched. I decided, I’ll let him know that I think he’s cute. So I smiled… and winked at this attractive young man. His response let me know that the feeling was in fact mutual. He immediately leaned over to his momma and exclaimed, ‘momma! she winked at me!’ He then proceeded to ask me my name, so of course I told him. I asked him his, to which I’m pretty sure I heard ‘Eric’. I asked Eric how old he was. He promptly responded with ‘Three, but i was two until my birthday.’ I nodded at this insightful information.

After introductions, Eric immediately started showering me with gifts. He would ask me ‘wanna present?’ with his dark eyes wide. Of course I said yes. He would hold out his tiny fists and say ‘here!’ And then proceeded to tell me that he was giving me a cell phone, or maybe some pink icecream. I think I even got a hot dog at one point. It was all really really good.

After that the presents turned into masks and superhero apparel that I was to put on. For a brief moment I got to be spiderman… but then he let me know that I could no longer be spiderman, because he was spiderman. I was super bummed.

After I got all my presents, he called me on the cell phone he gave me. Or should I say, my grandpa called me on the cell phone he gave me, because that’s who he said he was. Amazing kid, so so fun. His cute little dark eyes would look up at me with all this personality. I was laughing non stop. He was great.

In case you don’t know me, this is one of the ways the Lord blesses me, by introducing me to ‘new friends’ all the time. I love children. I always have. They bring my heart joy.

Eric was a small piece of heaven that Jesus decided to give me last night. To me, little Eric was a picture of the Lord’s heart…. showering me with present after present, real or not, they warmed my heart… sending me all these sideways glances and grins. Along with the presents, that’s all I needed for my day to be absolutely made.

I love the Lord for knowing me, for knowing how to bless me in unexpected ways. Really, in this life, we just have to look to see the ways the Lord blesses us. Always be looking. His presents can be in the most unexpected beautiful packages. Mine happened to be in tiny little closed fists. Beautiful tiny little fists.

Goodness Gracious

Well that about sums up where I’ve been lately.  Thanks for stopping by.

Ha, what if I was really done?  So yeah.  I haven’t blogged but oh, one time! Okay two, but the first one doesn’t really count.  I’m one of those that feels like I have to have something ‘oh so amazing’ to talk about or I can’t write.  Dumb I know.  It’s just that here lately, God’s been giving me a cram course in, well everything.  I don’t think I could even start to try and tell you all the things I’ve been learning since my last blog, about Him… about myself, just about life.  I kind of love it, but I really wish He’d slow down at times.  I need process time.

I guess you could say I’ve had a few of those ‘moments’ where you just close your eyes, and fully expect to have disintegrated or something when you open them.  Moments where you go ‘phew, okay, I guess I really will be okay’.  And… I guess I can just say that it all boils down to goodness.  God is just good.  All the time, even when the circumstances point to a very good chance that He’s forgotten all about us… He hasn’t.  We’re at the forefront of His mind, always.  How ridiculous is that?  I wish I could say that the same is true of me towards Him.  Although I will say, I’ve found a secret in running to Him.  Immediately. Good, bad, or ugly… I run to Him… if I’m thinking strait that is. And when I’m not, my God is so gracious regardless.  No matter what, He’s there… waiting on me to stop worrying… or being mad… or too full of myself or something.  Waiting to scoop me up, and just love on me the way only He can.  

He’s teaching me patience, He’s teaching me love… the real kind.  The kind I don’t have much experience with.  He’s just teaching.  A LOT.  And I’m thankful.  So very thankful.  So yeah, goodness gracious. And goodnight.  What am I still doing awake?